Warning: major Avatar spoilers ahead.
The bold exploits, the daring feats, the perils of aerial warfare—that was the easy part. After the events chronicled in Avatar, Jake Sully had to face the trickier challenges of everyday life as a Na'vi tribal leader. Here we present selected excerpts from the speeches he gave in the time following the forced departure of the Sky People.
The Tree of Souls Speech
"People! I have known three great joys in my lifetime. One of these occurred when we banded with our fellow Pandorans and, thanks to Eywa's assistance, defeated the terrible invaders. Then there was the time when Neytiri and I got together in the forest, and things got kind of intense. We 'saw' each other in a big way. But all that was nothing compared to finding myself reborn as one of 'the People,' when Mo'at hooked my braid thingy to the tree of souls, and you guys were all rocking back and forth and singing that song. I am proud to say I am now your chief, but I am mindful that I have much to learn. So let us now feast on the scrumptious fruits and all the, um, other foodstuffs provided us by Eywa! Have at it, everybody."
The "Cheese" Speech
"People! As many of you no doubt recall, I was a mere Dreamwalker in the time before our glorious battle against the Sky People: that is to say, the body I now occupy is something I once operated at a distance, using my old Earthling form, aided by a lot of scientific stuff I cannot pretend to understand. But I assure you, I have shaken off that old identity. Still, it is true that, as a few of our youngsters witnessed the other day, I did break into the building once occupied by the Sky People. For this I am sorry. And, yes, as you may have heard, it is indeed true that I took from that terrible place a foodstuff I once enjoyed when I inhabited my former body. A few of you, it seems, did catch me in the act of furtively eating this stuff, which is called 'cheese'; others among you apparently discovered my stash. Now, this 'cheese' was left behind by the invaders in great big hunks. The presence of this food was, I confess, much on my mind in the days since our great battle was concluded. Although I am absolutely one of the People, and would not have it any other way, I was left with a… a hankering, I guess you could call it… that could be satisfied only by my eating great gobs of this stuff. It pains me to tell you this. But I wish for you to understand that my taste for this 'cheese' does not in any way signal that I have any sort of allegiance to our vile enemy. On the contrary! I much prefer the scrumptious fruits and various other wholesome things that Eywa, in Her great wisdom, allows us to glean so easily from Her forests. That is why I am happy to announce that I have gotten rid of the noisome 'cheese.' Feel free to search my stash. Sniff my breath, if you desire further proof. Never again will I eat the foodstuffs of the Sky People! And now I believe Neytiri would like to say a few words concerning a new child-care program we will be offering to the parents among you who would like to go on long hunting trips without having to worry about the safety of your little ones."
The "Sweet Caroline" Speech
"People! Recently, on a day when there was not much to do, given the easy bounty provided us by Eywa and the lack of any enemy to fight, I went walking with my old friend Norm. As you know, Norm began his time among us as a Dreamwalker, but is now a full-fledged member of the People. Well, if there is one thing Norm knows, it is Pandora's plant life, and he suggested we might like to sample a certain leaf he had discovered at the forest's edge. After we had been chewing the leaf for a time, we were not, I am ashamed to say, in our right minds. That is why many of you witnessed our weaving and stumbling the other night, which, unfortunately, attracted the viper wolves to our camp. We apologize for that. We are also sorry that, apparently, Norm and I sang a certain song of the Sky People, which, we understand, was offensive to your ears. I do not actually remember giving breath to this foolish melody, but it seems Norm and I were singing a traditional folk song of Earth known as 'Sweet Caroline.' The shouting that takes place in the middle of the tune—the part where Norm and I were, by all accounts, going 'so good! so good! so good!' at the top of our lungs—is something we indulged in during our youths, while attending athletic contests in the great Earth structures called 'stadiums.' Truly, Norm and I meant no harm. It's just that, well, life is quite easy here, given Eywa's incredible thoughtfulness, and sometimes a guy needs to blow off a little steam. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. I hope it does. Plus, the whole leaf thing was Norm's idea."
The First Coastal Speech
"People! I am sorry to report my negotiations with the coastal Na'vi have not gone as I had expected. It was my belief that we who inhabit the forest would appreciate the opportunity to relax by the Pandoran sea for more than a few hours at a time. With that in mind, I asked the coastal dwellers to vacate certain small parcels of land, so that we could use them whenever we felt the need for a little getaway. I failed to realize that the seaside Na'vi would be offended by my request. Well, not so much offended, as they didn't get what I was after. It took me forever, practically, to convey the particulars, which was irksome, to say the least. Furthermore, I have since learned that none of our own tribe members have even the slightest enthusiasm for my little notion of having a beach to call our own. Turns out everyone on Pandora is pretty much content to remain in their own territory. Who knew? It was my mistake to think some of us might like a change now and then. But I suppose I should have realized that Eywa, in Her wisdom, has placed us exactly where we are supposed to be, and that's the way it goes. You live and you learn. And now Norm would like to deliver a brief lecture concerning his exploration of a few interesting sea creatures he came upon during our ill-fated excursion."
The "Intern" Speech
"People! In my role as your chief, I have, in recent days, felt the need to pass along any wisdom I have gathered to certain youthful members of our clan. These are the people to whom I have given the title 'intern.' They do menial chores for me and my staff, all the while soaking up knowledge that should prove useful to them. Now, yes, I am all too aware of the whispered gossip going around lately—something about my having broken my sacred bond with Neytiri by engaging in sexual relations with one of these interns. But I want to say one thing to the People. And I want you to listen to me. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. And I never told anybody to lie. Not a single time. Now I have to go back to work for the People."
The Footloose Speech
"People! A few of our young tribal members are very sneaky, walking, as they do, with silent footsteps. It seems that, just the other day, a few of them were watching from a distance when Norm and I entered a building once inhabited by those awful Sky People, whom we defeated in glorious battle long ago. The sneaky youngsters, it seems, followed Norm and me inside. Now, some of you are probably wondering, 'Hey, chief, why did you feel the need to go into such a terrible structure, especially after the 'cheese' incident?' And that is a good question. You see, it's like this. The Sky People left behind these machines called 'computers,' which are loaded with some fairly entertaining visions produced by the wretched Earth culture that Norm and I have so gladly left behind. The intrepid Na'vi youngsters—who are, frankly, nosy as hell—thus witnessed my old friend and me in the act of using a 'computer' to watch one of these visions. To be a little more specific, it was a traditional piece of Earthling folk art, I guess you could call it, known as Footloose. Footloose tells an ancient story concerning an Earth settlement in which dancing is forbidden. Can you imagine such a thing? The rocking back and forth that we engage in during our rituals -- even that would not be allowed under the rules of the society depicted in the Footloose story! I understand that some of you were upset to learn of these recent actions of mine. By now, however, I feel I should not have to point out that my loyalties lie firmly with the People. After all, am I not the one who tamed the great Toruk? And does that not signal that I am a favored man in the eyes of Eywa? Plus, it was all Norm's idea."
The Second Coastal Speech
"People! Look, it really is a nice thing, to be able to go down to the seaside from time to time. Especially if you have a cluster of huts to call your own. You splash around in the waves. You stroll on the sand. You maybe have a cookout. So I consulted Eywa about this, I really did, and, sensing no objection on Her part, I made a second visit to the coastal Na'vi in an effort to make my feelings plain to them. I hate to say it, but this time they really took offense. They said we must remain in our region, and I did not react very kindly to that. I mean, what, exactly, is so wrong with them giving up a little tiny piece of the seaside, so that we can have a place on the beach? Break up the monotony of forest, forest, forest. You know? Sure, it's fun to drop off a cliff and bounce around on gigantic leaves, but sometimes a guy feels like taking a dip. Anyway, the upshot is, you better grab your bows and arrows, because the coastal people are on their way, and they are tremendously pissed."
The Farewell Speech
"Well, People, I am glad Neytiri has seen fit to allow me to address you one last time. My estimation of the general mood was way off, it seems, and now I must go. I do so with a heavy heart, given what we have suffered in our skirmish with the coastal people. Neytiri will make a wonderful leader for you, of that I am certain. Now I—along with my buddy Norm, as well as one of the interns, and anyone else who may care to join us—will fly to a distant region perhaps better suited to our own particular lifestyle. Call it exile, if you must. Doesn't bother me. But know this: I have tried to be a good chief. For a while there, I thought I was doing a pretty decent job of it, too, and Eywa seemed to agree, from what I could tell whenever I linked up to Her with my braid thingy. But what the hell do I know about it? Not much, as it turns out. I guess maybe I'm more warrior than politician. And that's fine, that's great. I mean, I didn't exactly ask for this. To those of you who claim I never rid myself of my Sky People ways, I say, basically, screw you. I hate those Earthling bastards more than all of you put together, and if they showed up tomorrow, I would be the first one slamming their dicks into the dirt. Didn't you see me fighting them in our glorious battle? You remember the battle don't you? It was the one that saved your planet, or your moon, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I mean, I put my ass on the line for you people! They would have wiped out every last Na'vi, coastal dimwits included, if it weren't for me, and they would have bulldozed all of Pandora just for a laugh. That's not bragging, that's a fact. Hook up your braid thingy to the crazy tree, if you doubt it. I hate to sound pissy about it, but it's just so annoying, to have to deal with all this criticism. Seriously, you know what? You people can suck it. Have fun bopping around your little forest. Me and Norm and the intern will be flying off now. And you won't have old 'Jakesully' to kick around anymore, I can tell you that!"
