How does one, in these turbulent times, do “a sick burn”? It often feels like one of the only effective ways to silence your “haters” these days. Everyone’s trying it, from Taylor Swift to Kanye West. Not everyone’s pulling it off! Have you heard “Look What You Made Me Do”?
The president of the United States of America, leader of the free world Donald Trump, is trying to do the “sick burn,” too. Is he pulling it off? Let’s take a look!
On Monday, Trump tweeted about LaVar Ball, C.E.O. of the Big Baller Brand and the father of one of the U.C.L.A. basketball players who was allegedly caught stealing while in China on a team trip in November. Trump helped resolve the issue while he was in the country last week, though in a CNN appearance Monday, Ball wasn’t eager to give him credit: “How’d he help? If he helped, I would say thank you.” It is that time of year again when you demand that people be more thankful for you, after all. And if they don’t oblige, you sic Twitter trolls on them.
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Trump brought up the issue again in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, a time when most Americans are either setting the Thanksgiving table or nursing grudges: “It wasn’t the White House, it wasn’t the State Department, it wasn’t father LaVar’s so-called people on the ground in China that got his son out of a long term prison sentence—IT WAS ME. Too bad!”
Wow, O.K. It was you, buddy. We’ll give it to you. You did a nice thing for another person. Got it. Gee whiz. And then, the sick-burn attempt: “LaVar is just a poor man’s version of Don King, but without the hair.”
Alright. Yes. Don King. The guy who Mike Tyson said “would kill his own mother for a dollar”? Listen, it definitely gets the point across which is important to a dig’s efficacy. Trump is calling this guy a spotlight seeker—which could be true! But it’s a little pot calling the kettle obsessed with attention. For Trump, who still lives in a world where the 86-year-old King is relevant, this qualifies as a sick burn. For the rest of the world, it’s more like saying he’s Sinbad without the Huxtables or Richard Simmons without the tears. Or, like, Fabio without the bird. Are any of these making sense? Probably only to a simple few! The comparisons are too dated.
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Trump and King have a long history together. In the late 80s, Trump hosted boxing invitationals in Atlantic City. Don King promoted Mike Tyson. Butch Lewis promoted Michael Spinks. “They’re very good businessmen,” Trump said of Don King and his then-rival Lewis in ‘88. “I’ve found them both to be very honorable.”
On the campaign trail, Trump invited King to introduce him at a largely African-American church in Ohio. Trump called King a “phenomenal persona” and confirmed “there’s only one Don King.” King, for his part, accidentally let the N-word slip and said Trump would bring the country “back to inclusiveness.”
Hard to say why Trump used his partner-in-famous-hair as the operative conceit of a failed sick burn. Maybe he doesn’t really like Don King. Maybe he just misses the simple days, back in the 80s, when he didn’t have the world on his shoulders or North Korea to antagonize. Back when the tri-state area was just grateful to him for letting it watch two grown men hit each other repeatedly without having to travel all the way to Las Vegas. Maybe he still lives in that world in his head. Who can say.
